Monday, October 20, 2008

Im not in Thailand anymore... but I am still doing new and fun things everyday

SO... this past weeks new thing was being able to share a new interpretive dance with the IV large group on Campus... you should check out the video.. I absolutely love this song and the dance!

We also got a chance to do an old favorite!

Monday, August 4, 2008


I think it is difficult to describe what wholeness, or feeling whole is. The opposite is true for describing what wholeness is not I believe. I think thsst often times my sense of wholeness is lost to desires and longings of the heart. Many of my friends form school know the desire I have for children of my own and for a husband. That is certainly stronger now than ever.
But also now I understand more clearly or feel more strongly that my desire for a husband and children will not be fully satisfied until my desire to be in relationship[ with God outweighs all other desires.
I think I often look at wholeness as reaching perfection… asa having a good education, successful career, loving husband, and beautiful children. But perfection and varying ideas of perfection imply that If I do something or I perform at a certain level I can reach my vision. But wholeness includes a lot more than any vision I can create. And I certainly learned in the past year that there is no check list I must complete and nothing I can do effects the gift already received.
I think wholeness should be viewed as repaired or healed instead of perfect. Wholeness should be a word that springs forth a hopeful spirit not a spirit of defeat. I can not reach perfection. Will power and hard work will not bring wholeness. Wholeness- the thought of it should spring about hope in that even though we live dirty/nasty/ trashy lives that can never produce perfection, Jesus has already made us whole. Christ provides our restoration and our healing even when we don’t feel like it.
Its not about a feeling. Its about hope in Christ and who we are in Him. Christ has already restored and healed us in relationship to him-self. He has already made us whole.
I am inconsistent in my relationship with God and my pursuit of
Him, but who I am is who I am becoming in Him. And I know that he is constant and faithful even when I’m not. And I can rest in that truth.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

I might be learning..

So I spent alot of time at the end of the year reading about, thinking about, exploring, talking about, and trying to learn about brokenness

So now that Im in Thailand and not trying to seek any understanding of brokenness I may have stumbled across a little bit.

If you were one of the many I asked to explain it to me then you know I get caught on words. I want exact definitions, I like literal interpretation(probably because straight forward is easier) So thats probably my biggest pitfall yet is also important because words have such real meaning

But anyways sooo I think I might be learning that I easily get confused with the difference between brokenness and well brokenness

I think its easy to think of brokenness in terms of being a reflection of or a response to painful stuff in our life .
But God uses Isaiah to speak of Brokenness in a different way I think...

" A Message from the high and towering God, who lives in Eternity, whose name is Holy:"I live in the high and holy places, but also with the low-spirited, the spirit-crushed,And what I do is put new spirit in them, get them up and on their feet again.For I'm not going to haul people into court endlessly, I'm not going to be angry forever.Otherwise, people would lose heart. These souls I created would tire out and give up.I was angry, good and angry, because of Israel's sins. I struck him hard and turned away in anger, while he kept at his stubborn, willful ways.When I looked again and saw what he was doing, I decided to heal him, lead him, and comfort him, creating a new language of praise for the mourners.Peace to the far-off, peace to the near-at-hand," says God— "and yes, I will heal them.But the wicked are storm-battered seas that can't quiet down. The waves stir up garbage and mud.There's no peace," God says, "for the wicked." " Isaiah 57:15-21

I think im learning that spiritual brokenness is a reflection of life given to humility, a contrite spirit, and an understanding that we are like cattle and oxen.. we are like brute beast before God unless we allow Him to break us.

Real brokenness is the comes with the acknowledgment that you are no longer your own; you have been bought with a price. when you yield yourself to God to be broken and formed into the image of Christ.
See how this plays out in the life of the prideful man who experiences true brokenness:

"All this happened to King Nebuchadnezzar. Just twelve months later, he was walking on the balcony of the royal palace in Babylon and boasted, "Look at this, Babylon the great! And I built it all by myself, a royal palace adequate to display my honor and glory!"
The words were no sooner out of his mouth than a voice out of heaven spoke, "This is the verdict on you, King Nebuchadnezzar: Your kingdom is taken from you. You will be driven out of human company and live with the wild animals. You will eat grass like an ox. The sentence is for seven seasons, enough time to learn that the High God rules human kingdoms and puts whomever he wishes in charge."
It happened at once. Nebuchadnezzar was driven out of human company, ate grass like an ox, and was soaked in heaven's dew. His hair grew like the feathers of an eagle and his nails like the claws of a hawk.
"At the end of the seven years, I, Nebuchadnezzar, looked to heaven. I was given my mind back and I blessed the High God, thanking and glorifying God, who lives forever:
"His sovereign rule lasts and lasts, his kingdom never declines and falls.Life on this earth doesn't add up to much, but God's heavenly army keeps everything going.No one can interrupt his work, no one can call his rule into question.
"At the same time that I was given back my mind, I was also given back my majesty and splendor, making my kingdom shine. All the leaders and important people came looking for me. I was reestablished as king in my kingdom and became greater than ever. And that's why I'm singing—I, Nebuchadnezzar—singing and praising the King of Heaven:
"Everything he does is right, and he does it the right way.He knows how to turn a proud person into a humble man or woman." "
Daniel 4:28-37

dude in this Ned is broken by God. His pride, his position, his self-worship... it's all broken And its replaced by praise to God for being broken by Him.

Thats totally different from Brokenness as a reflection of the bad stuff. That is not brokenness because of being broken by God, but because of dwelling in the pain of circumstances. This is not to say that God does not use circumstance to break prideful people, but sometimes maybe even often those of us who revel in our pain exhibit a pride in displaying just how broken we are! No one has been as hurt as badly as us. No one has endured the tragedies we have endured. In short, we create for ourselves an immunity to the very brokenness God desires to instill in us so long as we make an idol of our pain. To sustain the immunity we must always talk about it, wear it as a badge of honor, and retreat into it whenever anyone questions the need to dwell in the pain. Worse still, we use it to lessen guilt before the Lord. We refuse true brokenness and hold instead to the mire of our own making.
But thats not God's brokenness, its a fake that leads us away from real healing and growth in Christ. Dying to self means abandoning even our pain, no matter how great, to take on the image of the Savior. Only then can the scales drop from our eyes and we be raised up to stand in true brokenness before God.

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Prayer Request.. today was probably the hardest day Ive ever experienced

It started off normally.. sitting doing stuff on the computer, hanging with the children, finishing up the work on the patio out back, lunch, errands around town, and then....

a girl came to the orphanage that had lived her in the past from age 11-16 (i think)... since leaving she has gotten married and had a child. she is now almost 19 and the child is a about a year and a half old. She weighs about 41 kilos.. so about 90 lbs soaking wet and has not had a period in 8 months due to most likely to malnutrition. she talked about not having food and no longer going to school very casually, even with a slight smile and laugh. She no longer lives in the area but was here to pick up papers proving she went to school until she was 16. she stopped by to say hi and to ask us to pray for her and to take her to the bus station...her husband is sending her there to work and send money back to him. we tried to convince her not to go, we tried to convince her even just to stay for a week.. but she would not have it.. so after finding anything in the house we could give her (my tooth paste, an extra toothbrush, baby powder, the last of my granola bars, some medicines, travel toilet paper, and a thai bible) we took her to the bus station... I met this girl today and still my heart pains for her, I have never had to do something so hard

please pray for this girl.. her name is Meow

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Mathew 13:31-32
[Jesus] told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all your seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and perch in its branches."

Jesus said that he can take even a small amount of faith and make big things happen. I know… its true in my life, sitting typing this in Thailand is evidence to that. He takes our faith, like a small seed, and makes it grow. I think that is going to happen here in Thailand, here at this orphanage. The orphanage may seem small, and the Christian population here certainly is, just like a mustard seed. But remember with just a mustard seed God makes big things happen, and they will happen here, big things for his kingdom

Mathew 17:20
"… if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."
I have faith, I do believe, I struggle sometimes, a lot of times, its hard to recognize God. Especially when looking at the hurt in a small child’s eyes, or when looking at the crippled beggar asleep on the sidewalk outside 7/11. But God is there, and God is near. I have faith. It may be small… really small at times, but God…
I have faith and I’m ready to move mountains!

Mom... Dad... Sorry

thai word pronounced pi-tdee yin-dee

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Change of plans

Allright short and sweet.... no meeting with the governor today because of increased hostilities at the Thailand/Cambodia border however it was still a big day!

Not only is it Sam's birthday so we get to have a party but I also got to mop every floor in the building!


but better then that we had a mother(Mak) and her 2 year old son(Mek) join us at the orphanage. She will be my new room-mate and will be able to provide a great deal of help around the orphanage with cooking and cleaning while the orphanage is able to provide the two safety from an abusive boyfriend.

The little boy is absolutely gorgious and full of tons of energy! I am proud to say that they have nick-named him Sparky after me.. aparently they think I have lots of energy.... I just think I am very ADD and get board! He is a handful just like me, though. They have been here for only a few hours so far and he has already made enemies with every family pet.. he is a little rough when he plays and likes to kick and stomp.

Mak does not speak English so rooming together will be interesting... I may take the avoidence technique tonight and let her get settles into bed while I shower and slip in later on.. We will see what happns over the next 2 weeks