wholeness

I think it is difficult to describe what wholeness, or feeling whole is. The opposite is true for describing what wholeness is not I believe. I think thsst often times my sense of wholeness is lost to desires and longings of the heart. Many of my friends form school know the desire I have for children of my own and for a husband. That is certainly stronger now than ever.
But also now I understand more clearly or feel more strongly that my desire for a husband and children will not be fully satisfied until my desire to be in relationship[ with God outweighs all other desires.
I think I often look at wholeness as reaching perfection… asa having a good education, successful career, loving husband, and beautiful children. But perfection and varying ideas of perfection imply that If I do something or I perform at a certain level I can reach my vision. But wholeness includes a lot more than any vision I can create. And I certainly learned in the past year that there is no check list I must complete and nothing I can do effects the gift already received.
I think wholeness should be viewed as repaired or healed instead of perfect. Wholeness should be a word that springs forth a hopeful spirit not a spirit of defeat. I can not reach perfection. Will power and hard work will not bring wholeness. Wholeness- the thought of it should spring about hope in that even though we live dirty/nasty/ trashy lives that can never produce perfection, Jesus has already made us whole. Christ provides our restoration and our healing even when we don’t feel like it.
Its not about a feeling. Its about hope in Christ and who we are in Him. Christ has already restored and healed us in relationship to him-self. He has already made us whole.
I am inconsistent in my relationship with God and my pursuit of
Him, but who I am is who I am becoming in Him. And I know that he is constant and faithful even when I’m not. And I can rest in that truth.