7.13.2008

Ok this is my last post about being lonely, and then I am moving on... moving my focus back to what is most important... moving back to God and the work he is doing herre in Buriram.

This trip continues to be much harder than I had expected. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness adds injury to insult. Not only do I feel separated and cut off from friends and family, but I feel completely separated from God as well. I hope, pray, expect, and praise God in advance for the moment He find a way to draw me back to Him. It is easy at home to plan ones life away and prevent miracles, but here I have nothing to plan, nothing to expect, and nothing to anticipate. God, I have nothing under control, I have no plan. I’m simply waiting.

Church today was beautiful and painful at the same time. A crowd of no more than 40 or 50 people gathered together in what could only be described as a garage. Church begins at 9:30 am and continues on until about 8pm every Sunday. Roger the man that founded the orphanage and I only stayed until about 11:30… the entire thing is in Thai and so it is difficult for him to follow and I don’t know a lick of Thai so I just sit and think. Leaving early provided me a much needed break. While sitting in the service for just a short time I observed completely impoverished individuals with their holy hand lifted high. They praised rejoiced and begged for mercy. These individuals know the power and the mercy of God more than I think I ever will. They live in such a state that it is only by full reliance on God, and His provision for us, that brings them through. These people live lives that allow for God to work miracles. They pray for miracles and expect them.

It was so beautiful to see the faith these individuals had. It makes my heart yearn for a faith even a fragment of the size of theirs. Witnessing their closeness and their reliance on God pierces my yearning heart reminding me of my need and my desperation for God.

God must be growing me in this. He is faithful in this. He will strengthen me in this. He will protect me in this. Now I'm simply waiting